Want to Stop Overreacting? Try Affect Labeling, Author Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D.
How naming emotions calms you down.
KEY POINTS
• Over-the-top emotions can cloud our judgment, impair decision-making, and strain relationships.
• Affect labeling works on the idea of cognitive reappraisal, where we rethink the meaning of our emotions.
• Affect labeling shows that we can handle life’s challenges, no matter how tough they are.
Kevin, a counseling client of mine, shared that he recently found himself overwhelmed by a wave of emotions he couldn’t contain. In front of his wife, Julie, and their two young children, he lost control.
His screams echoed through the house. Julie watched in concern, trying to soothe him while ensuring their kids felt safe. It was a reminder of the importance of addressing emotions before they spiral out of control.
Emotions can sometimes feel like wild animals, stirring within us with intensity. When we’re swept up in these emotional storms, simply identifying what we feel can help steady us. This process, known as affect labeling, goes beyond just putting words to feelings; it’s a useful tool for calming inner turmoil.
When Our Emotions Get the Best of Us
When we allow our emotions to dictate our actions unchecked, it can lead to significant damage in various aspects of our lives. Emotions, while essential for navigating the world, can cloud our judgment, impair decision-making, and strain relationships. Acting impulsively based on intense emotions can result in regrettable choices, damaged friendships, and fractured connections with loved ones.
Moreover, unchecked emotions can impede personal growth and hinder progress toward our goals, as they may lead us to avoid challenges or take unnecessary risks. Learning to manage our emotions effectively is crucial for maintaining balance, fostering healthy relationships, and achieving success in both personal and professional endeavors.
Rethinking How You Experience Big Emotions
Affect labeling works on the idea of cognitive reappraisal, where we rethink the meaning of our emotions. By giving a name to our feelings, we turn them from vague sensations into something tangible that we can understand and handle. This process engages the rational part of the brain, which then helps calm our emotions.
Let’s look at Emily and David as inspiring examples of affect labeling.
Emily Calms Herself by Naming What She Feels
Consider the scenario where Emily suddenly feels inexplicably anxious. Her heart races, her palms sweat, and a sense of unease washes over her. In such moments, emotions can be overwhelming. But by recognizing and naming what she’s feeling—perhaps labeling it as “anxiety”—Emily starts to shift her mental state subtly yet significantly.
David Reregulates His Anger
Think about David, who is boiling with anger after a heated argument. In the heat of the moment, his fury seems consuming. But when he stops and says, “I’m feeling really angry right now,” something changes. The anger, once overwhelming, becomes more manageable, almost deflated by the act of naming it. This clarity allows David to respond to the situation with more composure.
Building Bridges Between Emotions and Thoughts
Affect labeling acts as a bridge between our emotions and our thoughts, helping them communicate better. When we label our emotions, we create a map that guides us through our inner world. This not only increases our emotional awareness but also helps us regulate our emotions better.
Moreover, affect labeling encourages self-compassion and acceptance. Instead of judging ourselves for feeling “negative” emotions like fear or sadness, we accept them as valid parts of being human. This acceptance is empowering—it shows that we can handle life’s challenges, no matter how tough they are.
Let’s now turn to another example of the power of affect labeling.
Alex Passes the Stress Test
Imagine Alex, a student stressed about an important exam. Her mind is filled with doubts and insecurities. But by acknowledging, “I’m feeling incredibly stressed right now,” Alex gains some control over her emotions. With this clarity, she makes a study plan, seeks support, and faces her fears head-on.
Furthermore, affect labeling isn’t limited to words; it can also be done through art, music, or movement. Engaging in creative activities helps us externalize our emotions, making them easier to understand.
In Summary
Affect labeling helps bring order to our inner chaos. By naming our emotions, we turn them from abstract to manageable, cultivating resilience, self-compassion, and self-awareness. So, the next time you feel overwhelmed, remember the calming power of affect labeling—a single word might be all you need to find peace. (Published by authorization of Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph d)
