Coping with Guilt: A Guide for Family Caregivers

Coping with Guilt: A Guide for Family Caregivers, Author: Carolyn Dowdy

Guilt is a common emotion among family caregivers, often stemming from the immense responsibilities and elevated expectations they place on themselves. Even sometimes the guilt may come from situations that occurred over their life between the caregiver and their care recipient. This information does not address all situations but provides general information. If you are feeling guilty from dynamics and cannot resolve the feelings, you may want to speak to a counselor.

Balancing family caregiving duties with personal needs can be overwhelming, leading to feelings of inadequacy and guilt. However, it is essential to recognize that these feelings are natural and manageable. Family caregivers may feel guilty when they choose to prioritize their well-being. They may not realize that they must first take care of their mental and emotional well-being to provide the level of care needed by their loved one; especially, when they are providing long-term care. The caregiver may feel guilty because they miss the life they once had or missing the life they dreamed of for their future. Remember, it is completely normal as a human to have these feelings, and you should not feel guilty.

Whether you are a spouse, other family member or friend caring for an aging or disabled loved one, a parent caring for special needs children while you work, or a grandparent as the primary caregiver of your grandchildren, here are a few strategies to help you cope with guilt and find a healthier balance in your caregiving journey.
Acknowledge Your Feelings

To cope with guilt, acknowledge and accept your emotions. Once you sense that you are feeling guilt, practice and ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way?” It is important to understand why you feel guilty and what specific actions or situations are triggering these feelings. By recognizing your guilt, you can begin to address it more effectively.

For example: When we leave our loved one to go for a hike in the woods, go out with friends to laugh and socialize, or take a getaway to rejuvenate our body and mind, we may feel guilty for leaving our loved one. They may be sad because they want you to always care for them and not other friends or family. You may choose to practice bringing into your awareness, and think, to foster my well-being and self-care, I need to prioritize my mental and emotional well-being. Research shows that as the caregiver’s health declines, the care of their care recipient deteriorates. We are taking care of ourselves as family caregivers to rejuvenate our energy and sustain our well-being so we can stay healthy and have the stamina to be the best we can be for our family and care recipient.

Practice Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend or your loved one. Remember that everyone makes mistakes or takes actions that upset someone else, not meaning to upset or hurt the other person. We logically must think about why we feel guilt and decide how to overcome the emotion for the benefit of all who are involved. We may make mistakes, and it is part of being human. “Self-compassion involves being gentle with yourself, especially during challenging times.” Source: (“I Feel Fantastic: Embracing Positivity in Everyday Life”). Remind yourself that you are doing your best, and it is okay to have limitations.
Identify the Source

Determine whether your guilt is based on realistic or unrealistic expectations. Sometimes, we hold ourselves to standards that are impossible to meet. Reflect on whether your expectations are fair and achievable. Adjusting your expectations to be more realistic can help alleviate feelings of guilt.

Consider whether the guilt comes from missing out on our hopes and dreams to care for the one we love. It is okay that is human. Be compassionate with yourself.
Make Amends

If your guilt stems from something you did or did not do, consider taking steps to make amends. Apologizing or correcting a mistake can help alleviate feelings of guilt. Taking responsibility for your actions and making things right can provide a sense of relief and closure.

If the guilt comes from your private internal feelings of missing your hopes and dreams, acknowledge the feeling, feel it, and talk to yourself about how this is the path you have chosen and you are to make the best of it. It is normal to have human disappointments. Place your thoughts on gratitude and the positives in life.

Learn and Grow
Use your guilt as a learning opportunity. Reflect on what you can do differently in the future to avoid similar situations. Learning from your experiences can help you grow and become a more effective caregiver. Embrace the lessons that guilt can teach you and use them to improve your caregiving approach.

Set Boundaries
As a family caregiver, it is easy to feel guilty about not being able to do everything. Setting realistic boundaries and understanding your limits can help reduce feelings of guilt. Communicate your boundaries clearly with others and prioritize your well-being. Remember that it is okay to say no and to ask for help when needed.
If your care recipient becomes sad because you need to get away to rejuvenate, let them feel what they feel, and realize you are taking care of you so you can provide the best care possible. By rejuvenating you will be in a better mood and be able to be more patient with your loved one.

Seek Support
Talk to someone you trust about your feelings, even a counselor or your health professional. Sometimes, sharing your thoughts with others can provide a new perspective and help you feel less alone. Support groups, friends, or professional counselors can offer valuable insights and emotional support. Do not hesitate to reach out for help when you need it. Asking for help is not weak and people are more than glad to support family caregivers on their journey.

Practice Self-Care
Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Taking care of your own well-being is crucial in managing guilt and maintaining a healthy balance. Whether it is reading a book, going for a walk, watching a funny movie, relaxation meditation, or practicing mindfulness, be available for activities that nourish your soul. Prioritizing self-care can help you recharge and be a more effective caregiver.

In conclusion, compassion and as a family caregiver involves acknowledging your feelings, practicing self-compassion, and setting realistic boundaries. By addressing your guilt and taking steps to manage it, you can create a more balanced and fulfilling life. Remember, it is okay to prioritize your own needs and well-being. You deserve to take care of yourself just as much as you take care of others. Your loved one is depending on you, so it is imperative you prioritize your well-being and self-care to mitigate the chance of getting caregiver burnout. “Caregiver burnout is a state of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion that happens while you’re taking care of someone else.” Resource: clevelandclinic.org.